The Mental Health Gap
Exploring what it means to be in crisis
Reading time about 5 minutes.
Friday night I cried myself to exhaustion and prayed over Psalm 40.
I had ended my work day feeling the highs of accomplishment and then mentally spiraled when a counseling center called to tell me I had to choose a different therapist that was an hour away or to do telehealth with them. The last minute change shook my already fragile nervous system that was masking chronic pain.
I ended up on the bathroom floor, focusing on the cold, hard tile that was an uncomfortable distraction from the feeling of electric shocks. That night I could not sleep between the pain and the toddler who insisted on finding me to touch me at any cost.
Saturday morning I found myself stripped down to my underwear under the cool covers because it reduced the stimulation of uncomfortable clothing. The pain was still high and so was my stress. I began to write the following on my phone.
“What am I in”, I continue to ask, “if I’m not in crisis but I’m not well?”
I wondered in the midst of my silent panic attack about the gaps in our mental healthcare as a country. In the past 15 years I have witnessed patterns within my own experiences looking for help: untrained and underfunded school staff; primary physicians who prescribe medication before therapy like slapping a bandaid over an internal infection; waiting weeks to see a licensed counselor, and (the most prominent pattern I have seen) the question of being in crisis.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “In 2021, among the 14.1 million adults with Serious Mental Illness (SMI), 9.1 million (65.4%) received mental health treatment in the past year”. Females made up 67.6% of those who received treatment, which is defined as “inpatient treatment/counseling or outpatient treatment/counseling or having used prescription medication for problems with emotions, nerves, or mental health.” 1
Despite the millions of adults in the United States seeking mental health treatment, I ask again, what resources are there for those not in crisis?
Countless websites and pamphlets that I have explored in the past two months follow a similar pattern: find a therapist near you, read this textbook information about specific mental health conditions, or call a crisis health line. This strategy for outreach assumes a few factors for people seeking assistance.
They have the financial resources or health insurance that can cover any expenses for treatment.
That rural areas have the same availability to care providers as an urban population would.
That a person in distress and confusion would qualify themselves, or be considered by an agency, as “in crisis.”
That those in distress would be diagnosed already and therefore know what to research.
In the coming weeks I will be exploring each of these areas more as part of my annual mental health focus in the months of October and November.
You can see last year’s guest articles in my new Mental Health section.
https://motherhoodminute.substack.com/t/mental-health
A little more about me and my own mental health journey:
I was severely bullied in school and started journaling about my symptoms of undiagnosed depression at the age of 11. I was let down by a rural school administration that didn’t know better ways to help bullied students outside of an unhelpful “no tolerance” policy.
By the age of 17 I had seen a licensed counselor who I found unhelpful. I was self harming and spiraling in my anxiety. I was diagnosed with ADHD and given medication that enhanced my anxiety. At the age of 19 I saw another counselor and was prescribed medication by a primary doctor who had no communication with my therapist.
At 21 I sank deeper into the abuse of alcohol and marijuana use to self regulate my anxiety and depression. That October 30, 2012 I found myself in psychosis and tried ending my life by driving through red lights. I checked myself into a traumatic psych ward for 74 hours. I spent a year with an amazing therapist after that experience but didn’t stop the alcohol abuse.
In the years between then and now I’ve tried various ways of medicating myself with substances until I got clean January 20, 2019. I experienced more severe depression again when I was pregnant in 2020 and post partum depression which led me back on the train of trying medications or therapy to stay on track for a semblance of normality.
It is very important for me to stay honest about my mental health experiences.
After I emerged from the hospital ward in 2013 (which didn’t want me to leave on account of heavier insurance billing and poor inpatient care), I prayed to God to take away my desire for death. No matter how bad my depression has become, no matter how much I consider old habits of self harm, I’ve never desired suicide again. He has been faithful and has taught me to use my suffering as a way to reach for Him and reach to the hearts of others and show them my hope in Christ.
I hope you’ll join me in the coming weeks as we explore these topics. I am not a licensed medical professional and readers should not consider these articles as medical advice. I will always provide you with outside statistic sources.
I hope we can have conversations about the challenges that come with mental health with this series. Please share these with other people you may know if you’ve found them helpful.
You can also find a new Mental Health tab on the Motherhood Minute homepage. In addition, I’m sharing art I’ve been creating in a series called “Invisible Battles.”
National Institute of Mental Health webpage: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness#part_2539
This is such a good question. What does it mean to be in crisis and what do you do if you're not in crisis but can't find relief? Thank you for sharing so honestly and thoughtfully.
Thank you so much for writing about this and for your openness in sharing your own journey.