Good Things Chronic Illness Gave Me

A potentially unpopular opinion

If you’re currently living in the reality of chronic illness, pain, and fatigue, I want to start off by saying this title might anger you. It might feel dismissive and hurtful. I understand that might bubble up for you.

I am writing from my own experiences with the hope I can provide hope to others along the way, but that will not mean you want to hear it. That is ok. We all have different health issues and healing journeys.

I also acknowledge that my anger during that time fueled my isolation in reading stories of healing, as well as drove me to find healing “out of spite” to the doctors who didn’t believe me.

A running theme: it’s all so complex.

For some quick background, I mysteriously went from a Leslie Knope (Parks & Rec) type to being robbed of my normal life. I woke up one day and was so weak I couldn’t get off the couch, as if my body battery went from 90% to 10%.

It stayed that way for 14 months.

Considering that wild ride in between (the archives are free if you want to roam to July 2023 to now), I have come out the other side no longer experiencing daily pain but reflecting on my new life on a daily basis instead.

The cure for me was not neatly wrapped in a bow.

There is no “I had __ and __ cured me.” That is the simple answer we all long to hear. But it was true and life changing.

I was a 32-year-old woman about to apply for disability benefits and now I’m relatively normal.

Why is this such a tricky journey? Why is there no simple solution?

If I had only discovered a neck injury and treated that alone, I would not have been healed in the same way.

When Chronic Pain Is Beyond Physical

My chronic pain and mystery burning/stinging symptoms were likely derived from the spinal cord being strained. A chiropractor took an x-ray last September and found my neck leans 20 degrees too far forward.

But I believe my chronic fatigue stems down the spinal cord in both directions to my brain and body— a signal of fear and anxiety that couldn’t be turned off that curled me into a tight ball.

“I must push harder or I will fail us”, was the heartbeat I had been living with.

Do more. Be more. Do more. Be more.

Motherhood and work identity struggles mixed with not caring for myself pulsed into a giant alarm bell I was good at ignoring.

I still deal with these identity and rest problems, but through a vastly different lens.

I hope I make one thing clear every time I tell my story. God healed me, I did not heal myself. But to find healing, I had to acknowledge that:

1) healing was possible

2) healing was mental as well as external

This is different from what I had often heard from doctors, who said I was just a stressed mother. Stress correlates with my health but was not the sole causation. Stress management helps me maintain wellness but is not the end-all be-all factor.

The chronic pain was very real because the brain was in a constant state of danger (aka sending pain signals for my protection).

I took it as a personal failure that my hard work to be my healthiest was still not enough. Having the knowledge my neck is causing physical issues is only part of the teaching I have experienced.

Good Things Chronic Illness Taught Me

Now the kicker. I was able to find hope in the middle of terrible pain every day. I was able to find peace in my circumstances. I was able to find gratitude in my sorrows, thanks be to God.

Yes, in the midst of my 14 months of pain and in hindsight, there are gifts that came from this trauma.

I could preach “but it shouldn’t have to happen in the first place to get these lessons!” Sure.

But for myself, I think these lessons are only learned by falling into the pit or being told “no.” I am a rebellious, hard-headed child and I could not have slowed down unless I was literally unable to do anything.

My chronic illness led me to:

• Find a trauma-informed therapist and use TMS treatment to cure my depression

• Remove medications that were masking my root symptoms

• Finally confront my toxic relationship with food

• Find peace and surrender my desire for control

• Work in a different way than before (Instead of constantly working, I plan for the bare minimum and celebrate anything more, even at my healthiest)

What now?

I still deal with some pain symptoms. I no longer have burning ropes or stinging pain constantly tormenting me, but I see the side effects of a strained spinal cord.

My body loves inflammation.

I do my best to counteract potential migraines or inflammation flare ups by:

• avoiding foods that trigger inflammation (for me this has been removing all sugar, gluten, dairy, and corn)

• stretching out and moving my body

• having lidocaine patches for emergencies

• seeing a chiropractor every 1-2 weeks

• reflecting on my physical and mental health every day

• Saying “no” more even if it makes people unhappy

I once categorized my health in a “will do when I have time” category. Now I structure my days based on my energy. Is my physical health telling me to slow down? Am I in a constant state of overwhelm?

If those yellow flags are waving, I am pumping the brakes. I am canceling plans, activities, and to-do lists.

I don’t have the perfect yoga or meal plan for you to incorporate but I do have hope.

This all may seem like common sense or perhaps dismissive of chronic pain journeys, but it’s what I have had to do and still do to maintain my peace and my well-being.

Feel free to ask me any questions! I’m currently drafting a book about this so I imagine my newsletter might read like a big gap in many areas. It’s been hard to be brief here!

In case you are still reading, I’ve left suggested reading/listening below.⬇️

If you’d like to hear the specifics of my 14 months of pain, medical dismal, and the complexity of that journey you can listen to this migraine podcast with Amber Horrox.

The deep end of the healing journey with Chanel Riggle

If you are a mother who doesn’t know what rest even looks like, take 30 minutes to listen to my free workshop on the topic.

If you parenting with chronic illness and need ideas on how to adapt your family activities, check out this list.

Please help this topic go further by leaving a ❤️ or sharing with your followers. It was always hard for me to find help or support on chronic illness!