I was out for a walk on this beautiful new england day and took you two along with me. I was delighted the entire way. Kay exudes her word of the year, kindness, in this community and I am grateful for it. Chanel, great to "meet" you!
Thanks, Kristen! It's an honor to hear that you "walked with us" - if I had known I'd have bought you a coffee!! LOL. But seriously, thanks for listening and being a part of this evolving conversation. I'm really enjoying your posts and pictures, as well. :)
I enjoyed this relevant listen. I’m encouraged to continue to rely on my tribe that’s organically developed over time. It’s easy to feel as if you have to do everything yourself, particularly when you’re a single mom. Always delighted to engage with Kay, and this was a lovely introduction to you and your writings as well, Chanel.
Thank you for the feedback! I look forward to looking more at your own writings as well. Would I be able to share this comment in the future with readers/listeners?
Thanks, P! Means a lot to me that you listened and to read your comments here. I would love to learn more about single mom perspectives. Hope you had a good weekend. :) -Kay
I really enjoyed listening to this conversation Chanel and Kay. It's so interesting to hear about connection in all of those different ways you talked about and how we are hardwired to have connections as mums. Like Kay, I found that when my eldest started school back in 2019, I made a lot more mum friends. And what's been nice is making those connections since my middle son started school a few years back too. I found that prior to that, I never really enjoyed playgroups and would always end up talking to the grannies rather than the muns! Modern mothering without a village, we find it hard, because it hard! X
Hi Jenna! I soooo appreciate this! Thanks for sharing your experience with making more mum-friends when your eldest started school in 2019. That was definitely my experience too. I always liked connecting (and still do) with older women as well as women my age and younger, because the older ones often have wisdom to share and encourage me from a place of "you can do it, I've been there," type of thing. Anyway, great to "meet" you here! Warmly, Kay
Hi Kay! Wonderful interview. I learned so much. In particular, I relate strongly to the cliques and exclusions of mom groups. I had a very tight and supportive relationship with four other moms when our kids were kindergarten age and younger. Grade school just decimated any feeling of belonging. The PTA hierarchy took over, and it was one exclusion after another. Then the church moms. Even worse. I really needed mom groups. Thank you for sharing your experience and your research with us.❤️
I am sorry to hear of your experiences, especially from the church mothers. It tears me apart a bit every time I hear of fellow Christian women not giving one another grace and fellowship like we are called to do.
Chanel and Kay, thank you for that conversation! I feel like we could talk for hours more about this topic and more mothers than not feel this way.
The question of why community building is so difficult is incredibly nuanced, I think. I will try not to overgeneralize here but it seems like in my suburban American world, everyone is so busy. Busy fighting traffic, busy picking kids up on time, busy shuffling them to activities and sports we feel urgently they need to be involved in, busy scheduling appointments and haircuts, busy arranging visits with grandparents or aunts or uncles or friends from past we are trying to keep up with.
Logistically, logically, where does it leave us room to form community in proximity to us, when we are so scattered ourselves? I think the pace of life culturally had changed so much, as has screens and technology, and we are all scrambling to do it all/keep up.
Social media are two words lately that I heavily eye roll at in minor resentment. I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that overall, platforms like IG and FB provide a facade of closeness/community but they leave us feeling everything but that. For sensitive-type, or simply aware human beings, we are slighted or hurt within two minutes of opening up that feed screen (to Kay’s left out story point). I’m weary that they truly do more harm than good. And/or people should be more aware of the type of content they are posting and why they feel the need to share it with people that weren’t invited to their gatherings.
Anyway, I could go on and on but loved hearing both of your thoughtful opinions on this topic and keep up the good work!
“Logistically, logically, where does it leave us room to form community in proximity to us, when we are so scattered ourselves?”
A single sentence that holds me! How do we manage building a community in a way that feels less motivated by a social task list and more motivated by simple desires to fulfill human connection needs?
Logistically, I think we can start by adding open invites for someone to join us in our lives at the kitchen table, the shopping errand, or the library, instead of trying to add another place to go that calls for navigation of resources.
I will forever be thankful for my mom friend who constantly invited me into her space without having to create something new for her calendar. You want to let our kids run in my yard? You want to sit on my couch? Do you want to meet us at Target? We don’t have anything to buy but plenty of time to wander with the kids. These small moments of open ended invites made all the difference for a new mom who was often depressed and overwhelmed.
Excellent point and it fills my heart with comfort knowing that other moms did that for you. It takes a certain kind of comfort to invite others into our mess, doesn’t it? I admit, I’m hesitant with letting many people “in” because of concerns of judgement / petty gossip. But if we don’t extend those vulnerabilities, we fail to develop our deep relationships.
Amen. I think we can share our mess in the right mindset for why we choose it. I don’t write about my marriage or talk much with people about it online but I did learn to open up to one person about it. We can share hard things online or in person with a mindset of how it could benefit someone else knowing they are not alone and that there may be hope for them. Thank God I have two mom friends with children a couple years older than mine. Old enough to share it gets different or easier but still not so far ahead that they are forgetful of how it IS hard.
Isn’t it wild how the age of others kids really seems to matter in our ability to relate to one another in different ways? I suppose I always thought our mothers / children’s grandmothers would remember every stage -- and here I am, not recalling what my 9 year old went through at age 6 or what I worried about at that timeframe. 😂 I guess it all circles back to doing life with others, in the moment, because chances are, those people are going through similar things or know someone who is.
Hi Bethany! I deeply appreciate your point here, that if we don't extend ourselves and become vulnerable with other moms, than we can't really "go deep" and develop those more meaningful connections that nourish us. Thanks for listening and sharing these beautiful thoughts!
I was out for a walk on this beautiful new england day and took you two along with me. I was delighted the entire way. Kay exudes her word of the year, kindness, in this community and I am grateful for it. Chanel, great to "meet" you!
This makes my heart happy! Would I be able to share this testimony in the future with readers/listeners?
of course! 100%
Thanks, Kristen! It's an honor to hear that you "walked with us" - if I had known I'd have bought you a coffee!! LOL. But seriously, thanks for listening and being a part of this evolving conversation. I'm really enjoying your posts and pictures, as well. :)
I enjoyed this relevant listen. I’m encouraged to continue to rely on my tribe that’s organically developed over time. It’s easy to feel as if you have to do everything yourself, particularly when you’re a single mom. Always delighted to engage with Kay, and this was a lovely introduction to you and your writings as well, Chanel.
Thank you for the feedback! I look forward to looking more at your own writings as well. Would I be able to share this comment in the future with readers/listeners?
Absolutely! Please do.
Thanks, P! Means a lot to me that you listened and to read your comments here. I would love to learn more about single mom perspectives. Hope you had a good weekend. :) -Kay
I really enjoyed listening to this conversation Chanel and Kay. It's so interesting to hear about connection in all of those different ways you talked about and how we are hardwired to have connections as mums. Like Kay, I found that when my eldest started school back in 2019, I made a lot more mum friends. And what's been nice is making those connections since my middle son started school a few years back too. I found that prior to that, I never really enjoyed playgroups and would always end up talking to the grannies rather than the muns! Modern mothering without a village, we find it hard, because it hard! X
Hi Jenna! I soooo appreciate this! Thanks for sharing your experience with making more mum-friends when your eldest started school in 2019. That was definitely my experience too. I always liked connecting (and still do) with older women as well as women my age and younger, because the older ones often have wisdom to share and encourage me from a place of "you can do it, I've been there," type of thing. Anyway, great to "meet" you here! Warmly, Kay
Hi Kay! Wonderful interview. I learned so much. In particular, I relate strongly to the cliques and exclusions of mom groups. I had a very tight and supportive relationship with four other moms when our kids were kindergarten age and younger. Grade school just decimated any feeling of belonging. The PTA hierarchy took over, and it was one exclusion after another. Then the church moms. Even worse. I really needed mom groups. Thank you for sharing your experience and your research with us.❤️
I am sorry to hear of your experiences, especially from the church mothers. It tears me apart a bit every time I hear of fellow Christian women not giving one another grace and fellowship like we are called to do.
I’m glad it’s not just me making friends with older generations instead of my own 😅
Always the grannies! But I do actually love their wisdom ❤️
Chanel and Kay, thank you for that conversation! I feel like we could talk for hours more about this topic and more mothers than not feel this way.
The question of why community building is so difficult is incredibly nuanced, I think. I will try not to overgeneralize here but it seems like in my suburban American world, everyone is so busy. Busy fighting traffic, busy picking kids up on time, busy shuffling them to activities and sports we feel urgently they need to be involved in, busy scheduling appointments and haircuts, busy arranging visits with grandparents or aunts or uncles or friends from past we are trying to keep up with.
Logistically, logically, where does it leave us room to form community in proximity to us, when we are so scattered ourselves? I think the pace of life culturally had changed so much, as has screens and technology, and we are all scrambling to do it all/keep up.
Social media are two words lately that I heavily eye roll at in minor resentment. I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that overall, platforms like IG and FB provide a facade of closeness/community but they leave us feeling everything but that. For sensitive-type, or simply aware human beings, we are slighted or hurt within two minutes of opening up that feed screen (to Kay’s left out story point). I’m weary that they truly do more harm than good. And/or people should be more aware of the type of content they are posting and why they feel the need to share it with people that weren’t invited to their gatherings.
Anyway, I could go on and on but loved hearing both of your thoughtful opinions on this topic and keep up the good work!
“Logistically, logically, where does it leave us room to form community in proximity to us, when we are so scattered ourselves?”
A single sentence that holds me! How do we manage building a community in a way that feels less motivated by a social task list and more motivated by simple desires to fulfill human connection needs?
Logistically, I think we can start by adding open invites for someone to join us in our lives at the kitchen table, the shopping errand, or the library, instead of trying to add another place to go that calls for navigation of resources.
I will forever be thankful for my mom friend who constantly invited me into her space without having to create something new for her calendar. You want to let our kids run in my yard? You want to sit on my couch? Do you want to meet us at Target? We don’t have anything to buy but plenty of time to wander with the kids. These small moments of open ended invites made all the difference for a new mom who was often depressed and overwhelmed.
Excellent point and it fills my heart with comfort knowing that other moms did that for you. It takes a certain kind of comfort to invite others into our mess, doesn’t it? I admit, I’m hesitant with letting many people “in” because of concerns of judgement / petty gossip. But if we don’t extend those vulnerabilities, we fail to develop our deep relationships.
Amen. I think we can share our mess in the right mindset for why we choose it. I don’t write about my marriage or talk much with people about it online but I did learn to open up to one person about it. We can share hard things online or in person with a mindset of how it could benefit someone else knowing they are not alone and that there may be hope for them. Thank God I have two mom friends with children a couple years older than mine. Old enough to share it gets different or easier but still not so far ahead that they are forgetful of how it IS hard.
Isn’t it wild how the age of others kids really seems to matter in our ability to relate to one another in different ways? I suppose I always thought our mothers / children’s grandmothers would remember every stage -- and here I am, not recalling what my 9 year old went through at age 6 or what I worried about at that timeframe. 😂 I guess it all circles back to doing life with others, in the moment, because chances are, those people are going through similar things or know someone who is.
Totally. And we often don't realize how many of us are going through the same things unless we talk and connect about each other's lives. :)
Hi Bethany! I deeply appreciate your point here, that if we don't extend ourselves and become vulnerable with other moms, than we can't really "go deep" and develop those more meaningful connections that nourish us. Thanks for listening and sharing these beautiful thoughts!