I feel this sooooo much. Now that I have three and my two year old is in need of constant redirection, I don’t feel very fun.
I’m trying to remind myself that toddlers find joy in literally everything. This weekends fun was her helping me return stuff to their spots in the garage after a project, helping unload the dishwasher, and a walk in clear creek trail (despite her meltdown, she still had fun and so did we).
They really do! My youngest is almost 2 and she is basking in "helping" with everything. That brings her plenty of joy and helps me step back and appreciate it. Sounds like you're doing a great job <3
Yes!!! I’ve always been labeled as the non-fun sibling and friend because I’ve never been into forced social “fun” like games, drinking and sports. It made me feel like the odd one and so insecure and lonely. Participating drained me and was more torture than anything I’d label as fun. I was so glad to grow out of that peer pressure face and become an adult where I can define my own fun which often looks like reading, time outside, writing, learning, etc. it’s an interesting tension now as a boy mom to challenge myself to figure out how to define what fun looks like for Levi and our family!
Glad this spoke to you, friend. I’m thankful I can be more gentle with myself for seeking joy in things more social people don’t label as fun. Also trying my best to make good memories for Eliza in whatever she loves to do too.
Hello from a fellow killjoy, no fun, ruiner of everyone’s typical fun stuff person. But I’m learning that no one notices all the fun (I think it is?) I’m having in all the places I’m not supposed to have it instead of all the places I’m supposed to have it.
Out of curiosity where do you think you’re supposed to have it? I have reflected a lot on this and think I’m expected to have fun in extroverted environments that ramp up my anxiety.
Yeah, pretty much that - all extrovert places and things with intense sensory environments, and games, events, and activities where everyone is in high adrenaline mode and I absorb it all.
I love this and really resonate. I remember saying something similar to a therapist once. My mother in law always wants to have "fun" or asks if I am "excited." And the therapist noted that to me those things sound like overstimulation. I might find joy in doing things that look boring to others and that's okay. What I'm exploring now is how I have given up some of those quiet enjoyments (reading for long periods, crafting, video games, etc.) because they don't feel productive and how to reclaim doing things just for the joy of it.
I love that you mentioned the overstimulation aspect. Do you think your neurodivergence contributed to this narrative of not being able to have fun the “right way”?
100%! How am I meant to have "fun" if I am in sensory pain or my nervous system is on high alert like it is an emergency?
Also America is an extrovert dominant culture. I found even London (which Brits consider highly stimulating) to have social expectations and environments that much more aligned to my preferences.
I am working up the resolve to turn certain types of invites down and to let Nathan take Davy without me if they want to go. But it is hard!
I love these thoughts Chanel! It's interesting as a fellow "take it to the pager", easily over-stimulated, does anything to avoid a crowd, type of mother, I could've sworn this was me writing it! Which is so refreshing and reminds us that there are so many variations of moms, parents, women, people and always will be. I'm reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron and it has been so helpful in understanding why I am the way I am and being okay with it / not the "norm". Our type of fun is unique and creative and that's awesome. Again, loved this so much!
I feel this sooooo much. Now that I have three and my two year old is in need of constant redirection, I don’t feel very fun.
I’m trying to remind myself that toddlers find joy in literally everything. This weekends fun was her helping me return stuff to their spots in the garage after a project, helping unload the dishwasher, and a walk in clear creek trail (despite her meltdown, she still had fun and so did we).
Motherhood has so much pressure.
They really do! My youngest is almost 2 and she is basking in "helping" with everything. That brings her plenty of joy and helps me step back and appreciate it. Sounds like you're doing a great job <3
❤️ yes I love seeing the toddlers become helpers
Yes!!! I’ve always been labeled as the non-fun sibling and friend because I’ve never been into forced social “fun” like games, drinking and sports. It made me feel like the odd one and so insecure and lonely. Participating drained me and was more torture than anything I’d label as fun. I was so glad to grow out of that peer pressure face and become an adult where I can define my own fun which often looks like reading, time outside, writing, learning, etc. it’s an interesting tension now as a boy mom to challenge myself to figure out how to define what fun looks like for Levi and our family!
Glad this spoke to you, friend. I’m thankful I can be more gentle with myself for seeking joy in things more social people don’t label as fun. Also trying my best to make good memories for Eliza in whatever she loves to do too.
Hello from a fellow killjoy, no fun, ruiner of everyone’s typical fun stuff person. But I’m learning that no one notices all the fun (I think it is?) I’m having in all the places I’m not supposed to have it instead of all the places I’m supposed to have it.
Out of curiosity where do you think you’re supposed to have it? I have reflected a lot on this and think I’m expected to have fun in extroverted environments that ramp up my anxiety.
Yeah, pretty much that - all extrovert places and things with intense sensory environments, and games, events, and activities where everyone is in high adrenaline mode and I absorb it all.
I love this and really resonate. I remember saying something similar to a therapist once. My mother in law always wants to have "fun" or asks if I am "excited." And the therapist noted that to me those things sound like overstimulation. I might find joy in doing things that look boring to others and that's okay. What I'm exploring now is how I have given up some of those quiet enjoyments (reading for long periods, crafting, video games, etc.) because they don't feel productive and how to reclaim doing things just for the joy of it.
I love that you mentioned the overstimulation aspect. Do you think your neurodivergence contributed to this narrative of not being able to have fun the “right way”?
100%! How am I meant to have "fun" if I am in sensory pain or my nervous system is on high alert like it is an emergency?
Also America is an extrovert dominant culture. I found even London (which Brits consider highly stimulating) to have social expectations and environments that much more aligned to my preferences.
I am working up the resolve to turn certain types of invites down and to let Nathan take Davy without me if they want to go. But it is hard!
I’m proud of you and I for trying our best to accept ourselves for who we are and act with love.
Likewise. 🥰
I love these thoughts Chanel! It's interesting as a fellow "take it to the pager", easily over-stimulated, does anything to avoid a crowd, type of mother, I could've sworn this was me writing it! Which is so refreshing and reminds us that there are so many variations of moms, parents, women, people and always will be. I'm reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron and it has been so helpful in understanding why I am the way I am and being okay with it / not the "norm". Our type of fun is unique and creative and that's awesome. Again, loved this so much!
It seems like the stuff you did was pretty fun!
I agree. I’m learning that every day.