Chanel, I so appreciate your raw, vulnerable sharing. I want you to know I feel everything you write in my gut and in my heart. I get it. I get it. I'm with you. I just want you to know that motherhood has not been easy for me, either, and truly, what you are doing to care for your tender needs is paramount in order to show up for your daughter. You're doing good things. It just hurts sometimes, but I think growth of any sort hurts.
I have these conversations with my husband, too. I'm walking with you in this, friend. Sending you lots of love. ♥️
I so relate to this. Sometimes it can be so hard to drop into the moment and actually have fun with my daughter as the primary parent who is with her alllllll of the time. I appreciate you sharing the hard stuff. 🤍
And all the mamas of littles said, “Amen!” Chanel, this post is so relatable and made me feel as though I could take my own deep exhale. Thank you for putting words to what so many of us carry without properly naming. Cheering you on in this wild world of motherhood and am grateful for your vulnerability.
Oh Bekah, thank you. I sometimes feel sad moms feel the thoughts I feel but overall I am comforted that we are all in this together. Things can be joyous as well as taxing. Thank you for cheering me on and helping me take a deep breath of my own this morning ❤️
When my oldest was the age of your daughter, I dreaded spending time with her. She was so combative and had so many meltdowns. And no, I wasn't experiencing any joy.
It's important I think to know that some kids are harder than others. My 2nd kid is relatively easygoing (so far! he is only 2) and there's a lot more ease and joy, but that could be because I know more about what I'm doing and I don't take complete and total responsibility for all of his emotions like I did with my first. Screaming because you want to put your cars in the toilet and I won't let you? I'm here for you, but your emotions are not my business! (this has led to a LOT less screaming in my house).
With my first I would have been like, "I know, it's hard because you WANT to put your cars down the toilet and I'm not letting you. That's hard." Nope! I learned my lesson. More hugs (when they are wanted), WAY less talking/explaining.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Kids do get older, and as they do there is a lot more opportunity for fun (but if they are 'spirited' drama is probably also unavoidable, and that is not your fault).
The idea that mothers are finding joy in every moment of parenting is a myth. Do NOT feel guilt about it. Your kids don't need you joyful, they need you to prioritize your own mental health.
Chanel you write about this all-too-common phenomenon in motherhood with such honesty and insight. When you’re the primary caregiver and homemaker in the family, even if you’re fortunate enough to have a supportive partner, somewhere along the way this role sucks the fun out of what used to light you up. Somewhere along the way, you forget how to even have fun. I’ve found that as my to-do list gets bigger, my capacity to have fun shrinks exponentially. There is more external value placed on being productive and getting things ticked off the to-do list. Somewhere along the way I think all adults forget to have fun. But the times when I put fun and quality time with my kids ahead of tasks and chores, it fills me with such joy. My kids are here to remind me about the true value of fun and levity in our lives. And that’s not just fun with them, though that’s a big part - it’s fun in life in general. Having hobbies and doing things that fill my cup. Thanks for sharing here Chanel!
Oh, Chanel. This brought up similar feelings for me--the sense that I should be doing more than "white-knuckling" my way through early motherhood. I should be cherishing it, and that cultural expectation that feels more like being handcuffed--enjoying it.
I love my son to the moon and back but I'm not sure I'm having fun, either. There are moments- glimpses of it for sure, but behind those fleeting moments is the chronic exhaustion, the never-ending to-do list, and the minutes every day I actually have to myself.
I remind myself often that I am not failing motherhood. I am being failed by the systems our modern culture has put in place to make caregiving a white-knuckling experience. I tell myself this but the shame and guit remain.
You're not alone. And you're doing better as a mom and human than you'll ever know, I promise. 💗
I appreciate you ❤️ Sometimes I write things here that make me question if I should put it all out there but every time you all show up like an internet hug.
I read this out loud to my husband because we have had these conversations as well. ❤️ I see a striking similarity between Eliza’s determination to not give up on what she is passionate about and you. Thank you for sharing in the midst of hard. I am blessed by your authenticity. Continuing to pray for you and your precious family. You are so loved.
Kerrey 😭 I can’t believe you did that. It means so much to me. I am grateful that in the hardships God can connect me with others who are in their own struggles. Praying for you as well.
I wonder how you and I can find more grace in this hardship. I’ve been trying to focus on the long term joy in the life we build rather than the present pain.
Long term joy helps, also something that helps is remembering where my kid is at developmentally. It is so easy to forget him trying to control things or melting down when I say no is because he is having a hard time. I usually double down or push back, but when I soften everything changes.
I am grateful that my daughter is teaching me about the pursuit of joy and endurance.
Chanel, I so appreciate your raw, vulnerable sharing. I want you to know I feel everything you write in my gut and in my heart. I get it. I get it. I'm with you. I just want you to know that motherhood has not been easy for me, either, and truly, what you are doing to care for your tender needs is paramount in order to show up for your daughter. You're doing good things. It just hurts sometimes, but I think growth of any sort hurts.
I have these conversations with my husband, too. I'm walking with you in this, friend. Sending you lots of love. ♥️
Sending you love too. Thank you for this love note. I’m trying to focus on the sanctification of motherhood more than the desire for isolation.
That is a beautiful way of phrasing it, Chanel—”the sanctification of motherhood.” Quite apt.
Oh gosh, thank you for sharing this. I find great comfort in your honesty 🙏
You’re not alone and I’m glad to connect
I so relate to this. Sometimes it can be so hard to drop into the moment and actually have fun with my daughter as the primary parent who is with her alllllll of the time. I appreciate you sharing the hard stuff. 🤍
You are not alone. ❤️
And all the mamas of littles said, “Amen!” Chanel, this post is so relatable and made me feel as though I could take my own deep exhale. Thank you for putting words to what so many of us carry without properly naming. Cheering you on in this wild world of motherhood and am grateful for your vulnerability.
Oh Bekah, thank you. I sometimes feel sad moms feel the thoughts I feel but overall I am comforted that we are all in this together. Things can be joyous as well as taxing. Thank you for cheering me on and helping me take a deep breath of my own this morning ❤️
When my oldest was the age of your daughter, I dreaded spending time with her. She was so combative and had so many meltdowns. And no, I wasn't experiencing any joy.
It's important I think to know that some kids are harder than others. My 2nd kid is relatively easygoing (so far! he is only 2) and there's a lot more ease and joy, but that could be because I know more about what I'm doing and I don't take complete and total responsibility for all of his emotions like I did with my first. Screaming because you want to put your cars in the toilet and I won't let you? I'm here for you, but your emotions are not my business! (this has led to a LOT less screaming in my house).
With my first I would have been like, "I know, it's hard because you WANT to put your cars down the toilet and I'm not letting you. That's hard." Nope! I learned my lesson. More hugs (when they are wanted), WAY less talking/explaining.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Kids do get older, and as they do there is a lot more opportunity for fun (but if they are 'spirited' drama is probably also unavoidable, and that is not your fault).
The idea that mothers are finding joy in every moment of parenting is a myth. Do NOT feel guilt about it. Your kids don't need you joyful, they need you to prioritize your own mental health.
Chanel you write about this all-too-common phenomenon in motherhood with such honesty and insight. When you’re the primary caregiver and homemaker in the family, even if you’re fortunate enough to have a supportive partner, somewhere along the way this role sucks the fun out of what used to light you up. Somewhere along the way, you forget how to even have fun. I’ve found that as my to-do list gets bigger, my capacity to have fun shrinks exponentially. There is more external value placed on being productive and getting things ticked off the to-do list. Somewhere along the way I think all adults forget to have fun. But the times when I put fun and quality time with my kids ahead of tasks and chores, it fills me with such joy. My kids are here to remind me about the true value of fun and levity in our lives. And that’s not just fun with them, though that’s a big part - it’s fun in life in general. Having hobbies and doing things that fill my cup. Thanks for sharing here Chanel!
I appreciate how many women have commented. I feel less alone
As you can see from these comments, we feel it, we feel you. Seeing that list of you just listening to whatever you heard inside. 🙏🏼
I feel supported ❤️
Oh, Chanel. This brought up similar feelings for me--the sense that I should be doing more than "white-knuckling" my way through early motherhood. I should be cherishing it, and that cultural expectation that feels more like being handcuffed--enjoying it.
I love my son to the moon and back but I'm not sure I'm having fun, either. There are moments- glimpses of it for sure, but behind those fleeting moments is the chronic exhaustion, the never-ending to-do list, and the minutes every day I actually have to myself.
I remind myself often that I am not failing motherhood. I am being failed by the systems our modern culture has put in place to make caregiving a white-knuckling experience. I tell myself this but the shame and guit remain.
You're not alone. And you're doing better as a mom and human than you'll ever know, I promise. 💗
I appreciate you ❤️ Sometimes I write things here that make me question if I should put it all out there but every time you all show up like an internet hug.
I read this out loud to my husband because we have had these conversations as well. ❤️ I see a striking similarity between Eliza’s determination to not give up on what she is passionate about and you. Thank you for sharing in the midst of hard. I am blessed by your authenticity. Continuing to pray for you and your precious family. You are so loved.
Kerrey 😭 I can’t believe you did that. It means so much to me. I am grateful that in the hardships God can connect me with others who are in their own struggles. Praying for you as well.
I feel all of this right now. I am not finding joy and it cause so much shame.
I wonder how you and I can find more grace in this hardship. I’ve been trying to focus on the long term joy in the life we build rather than the present pain.
Long term joy helps, also something that helps is remembering where my kid is at developmentally. It is so easy to forget him trying to control things or melting down when I say no is because he is having a hard time. I usually double down or push back, but when I soften everything changes.