Things Aren't Working Anymore

Another season I'm in.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

“If you want to sit in your shit, I’m still here for you. But if you want things to be different, you’re going to have to change them.”

This was not the phone call I thought I’d get when I called my sponsor.

I held my phone with stunned silence and resisted the urge to ease the seriousness of the moment with a chuckle, which is something else I have been working on in my life: my deflective humor.

I was hoping for some timely wisdom about my voicemail question: “How do I bring energy back into my life? I feel like everyone is taking my energy away." What I got was a (much needed) question as a response: Why are you letting them?

If you’ve talked to me in the past few weeks, I’ve probably explained that I’m exhausted from work and home demanding so much of me: my emotions, my time, my energy. The truth is that I am letting them take whatever they need. I crave boundaries but never learned how to do them in a healthy way.

I’m not in a season of waiting.

I am in a season of growth and answered prayers.

Moreover, I am in a season of learning to accept people where they’re at. Including myself.

The truth: things aren’t working anymore.

I am burning myself out and letting myself go. I am putting my worth in my work. I am blaming everyone for my inability to create boundaries.

Now it is time for the hardest step: loving myself enough to change.

For those of you who have joined this newsletter recently, thank you. It’s extremely humbling and I hope I can rekindle my love affair with writing again. Like everything, it is a tide that always comes back if it’s out to sea.

And because I am currently out to sea, I’d love if you would look at the archives or comment what sort of writing you need right now. What season are you in?