there is a lot I don’t want to stop doing

Sorry I’ve been out of touch

My name is Chanel Riggle and I write about mental health, motherhood, and the complexity of it all. I also organize the Mental Health and Motherhood Summit, which features over 24 speakers October 10-11, 2025.

If you are wondering if anyone else is exhausted yet grateful, and willing to talk about the hard stuff, this might be the place for you.

Summer hits the western Puget Sound area in Washington anytime between May 26 and July 10. It’s a season marked by wildly different standards.

It is currently the start of our summer.

The first solid week of 75-degree Fahrenheit heat. Preschool graduation. Near-pointless showers.

Turning on the car air conditioning at 8 am. Me applying caffeine serum under my eyes like it’s going out of style.

A friend asks if our schedule changes now. Do we keep our routine?

We most certainly strive to keep it. Bedtimes get a little later and my flexible job gives me room to leave at 8am instead of 7:30 am now that preschool is over.

But work is still a 40-hour work week. Daycare is still the same place we go Monday through Friday.

Try as I might there is a lot to do.

Ok, try as I might there is a lot I don’t want to stop doing.

The confession is this:

I don’t want to not work as much as I desperately want to do nothing. It is the most constant battle I have in my current life.

How do I turn the brain off just a little without fully shutting down?

Is it wrong for me to admit that I like the hustle as much as I like the slow-intentional life? (Will the moms of the internet throw me out if I do?)

Is it unacceptable to say that I want to hyper focus on the Mental Health & Motherhood Summit for six hours on a weekend while simultaneously desiring to read for six hours while simultaneously wanting to completely unplug so my daughter and I can wander around libraries and parks?

There is a lot to do and there is a lot I don’t want to stop doing.

Before I was diagnosed with ADHD my senior year of high school I was fully convinced my brain was garbage.

I knew I was smart but I felt incredibly dumb. I once had an English teacher say, “Chanel is the only honors ‘C’ student I’ve ever had.” I could ace the test but couldn’t complete a task to save my life.

The amount of silent hours I spent berating myself for having a lot I wanted to do and yet not being able to do it turned into a little line I’d obsessively journal.

There is madness in the details

A humming in my brain

Dual sides that lead to derail

The whole thing is insane

As a near 33-year-old woman now, I hear the buzzing again. I wake up at 2 am and have to turn the internal radio off. I have anything from Frozen to “Father Abraham had many sons (many sons!)” to a string of tasks that need to be done in the new house, that hammer away without my consent in the middle of the night.

I think it is ultimately beneficial (avoiding “good”) for my daughter to see that her mother is pursuing things she wants to do.

That she sees me as a mother and worker. I mean I have to work for us to afford life, regardless. It’s part of the legacy my husband and I are trying to build.

But I also (lowers voice) like to work…

I must be doing a better job than I realize, perhaps we all are, because my child says so.

Even though she sometimes says I am the worst ever (she is 4), she also consistently tells people she wants to be a mama when she grows up.

She holds this position as the highest honor for me when I often let my head spin and forget the heart I’m entrusted with.

Lord, you know how to redirect me.

2025 Mental Health & Motherhood Summit

Created by mothers, for mothers. Accessible pricing. Recordings that fit your schedule and over 24 speakers! Because your mental health matters, even when everything else is demanding your attention.

Join us to feel compassionate support October 10-11.

Tickets are now on sale for $25

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