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If you have trouble with the audio, please see the full transcript! There were an unfortunate amount of technological issues.
In this episode, I interview Danusia Malina-Derben about sustaining communities in motherhood but it was a lot more than that topic. Danusia shares her experiences in life and how she has navigated isolation within motherhood (often creating the support she, herself, needed).
We discuss the concept of noise and how it affects mothers' perceptions of themselves and others. We also emphasize the importance of open and honest conversations with mothers who have different perspectives and experiences.
“I think we have to open the space up. And when we talk about sustaining communities, who are we asking to be in our communities? And what are we sustaining, who are we wanting to cut the loneliness for? Who are we wanting to, you know, support in their desolation, because let's just be honest, there's no mother that hasn't wept at night there is no mother that hasn't woken at night worrying that she's not the mother that she could be.”
Danusia Malina-Derben
This conversation is a bit longer than the 30-minute episodes thanks to tech errors, deep conversations, and puns about orgasms (yes, that’s right.)
I’m not sure how else to best summarize this episode without simply pulling quotes from Danusia, who is a podcaster, leader in boardrooms, and, of course, a mother. Her life experiences and research are sure to grip you:
“I've created formats and mediums that have served what I need. And some of that has been around isolation, isolation, ambition, proving that it's possible, connection, so those are the ways that I've done it. So in very different communities, very different ones, podcast, academic network, books, actual local activism…So all of these initiatives that I described before sprung from my own needs. Yeah, so it sounds very selfish, but it was like I had a need and I, you know, I didn't look outside of myself. I was actually saying, what do I need?…And from there, when it comes from there, it has struck a chord with other mothers.”
“How devastatingly glorious [motherhood] is, how undoing it is, and yet how growing it is. So it's, you know, and that cuts across everybody. And for me, that's where the big gaps in communities have been. It's very, very easy actually, albeit there's some challenge to build community with our mirrors, with people like us. It's simpler. It is more complex and more, it holds enormous potential to be able to open, open ourselves. And actually, we will heal ourselves to the degree that we can invite others into our circle.“
Ok if this sounds good but you’re in the middle of something, SAVE THIS in your Substack app for later!
If you are ready to hear more from Danusia, follow her here:
Links to know:
Podcast: Parents Who Think
Books:
NOISE: A Manifesto Modernising Motherhood
SPUNK: A Manifesto Modernising Fatherhood
Questions Chanel asked in the episode:
Today we are looking at the topic of sustaining communities in motherhood, something I felt you might have insight on! What have these varied experiences shown you about building support in motherhood?
You have a book titled NOISE and within its pages are three columns: External noise, Internal Noise, and how we add to the noise. Specifically this last one focused on how mothers say and think things about other mothers, narratives we internalize and pass down. How can mothers navigate the noise and perhaps build better relationships with mothers despite it?
What is one thing you would like to “set down” and one thing you would like to “pick up” in life in this current season?
Do you have any final thoughts on helping the mothers in this space learn how to build or sustain community in motherhood?
Please let us know your final thoughts and subscribe to stay tuned for more episodes and newsletters. If you’re waiting for the transcript, please subscribe and it will be sent a few hours after all podcast episodes!
One last note:
After our final episode (episode six) for this series, I will be publishing a reflection on the triumphs and challenges of publishing a video podcast on Substack. Subscribe to get that newsletter before it’s release!
Yours, Chanel Riggle
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