Should you plan a self care day, mom?
Schedule Announcements and suggestions for self compassion
Is planning a self-care day even possible? Sometimes I think the answer is “no.” Cue the scene of me bent over in deep frustration as my child runs down a church pew. I need a break!
Most of those limitations stem from a lack of something: money, time, and childcare are usually the culprits here. Every internal yearning for some time alone is followed up by internal narratives I am trying to break. (Shouldn’t I be cleaning something?) So, I’ll ask a different question.
Is planning a self-care day selfish or compassionate?
Before I get to announcing this amazing schedule for the 2024 Mental Health and Motherhood Virtual Conference, I really want to ask you this question. Is planning self care selfish or an act of self compassion?
Shortly after I started this Substack in 2022, I wrote about my loathing for self-care suggestions. I was still being covered in breastmilk, juggling my time with a sick baby and running the office portion of our family business.
Read a book! Take a bath! Go on a walk! Get a coffee! Schedule a massage! Exercise and journal every morning!
I may like all of these things but I’m tired of hearing that I need to do them in order to be fulfilled. Little delights turn into big anxieties when I simply cannot have a structured day in this season.
I can have an entire day, from morning to night, where I’m unable to do anything extra for myself. I can have a whole day where I’m struggling to tell someone I need five minutes to shower.
…We are setting ourselves up for failure by insisting routines for self care must be set in stone. I fear women are specifically being gaslighted when we are told basic needs count as added self care.
I grieve for you, 2022 Chanel. I feel your anger and tightness for control in a season where your needs are second to your baby. But your lack of a structured season does not mean you’ve failed. It means your life has grown and your need for grace has grown with it.
Gentle Suggestions
Here are some ideas that don’t fall into the “run to Target for your self care needs” category that I’ve learned along the way.
Learn to mother yourself in your journal. (I learned this from
when I joined her collective at 8 months pregnant and it’s served me well). This is basically writing down your woes or worries and then writing like you are a child that needs to be soothed by a loving mother. It is such a simple and effective way to be more self-compassionate.Use sick leave for yourself. Before you burn out and do get sick, use any sick leave you may have for a day of rest. Use vacation leave. Ask someone you trust to watch your children how many hours they would be able to give you for some reset time. If you are alone and parenting with no support, see if your local YMCA has a free parent date night for childcare. Seriously.
Secondly, do not use that time to do anything for anyone else. Do whatever you yearn for when you’re overwhelmed and overstimulated. Whether it’s cooking, reading, or stretching in silence without a toddler trying to fondle you from below…claim that time for your mental and physical health. Using sick leave or putting more reliance on my childcare (familial or paid) has served me well. Two hours is better than no hours.Invest in your joy like you do for your child. What is more important? Your child being clothed well, having items that make them happy, or being emotionally supported and loved? I’m sure you’d say the latter was the highest priority to the others. Why would we think we are any different?
My life started to change significantly when I began pouring more energy into my wellbeing. I’m not talking about exercise or proper nourishment (very important too) but the daily acts of self-kindness. I do this through reading about my identity in Christ, going to trauma-therapy, looking into mental health research/resources, and acknowledging I need help. There are many ways to practice self-compassion.
Most importantly, recognize there is no perfect way to take a break.
This includes a note on the Mental Health and Motherhood Virtual Conference, with the question I get asked repeatedly. “Is there going to be a recording?”
When I get this I hear “I don’t think I have time to commit to this, is that ok?”
Yes. There will be recordings. Yes, you can show up live for the whole thing, pop in as you please, or watch it later. It is ok!
No where in our conference promos should you find speakers or myself urging you to drop everything and commit! You shouldn’t feel pressure to perform here as the perfect attendee. All we ask is that you give yourself a chance to invest in your journey toward self-compassion.
Choose Your Adventure: The Virtual Conference Schedule
Please note these times are listed in Pacific Standard time zone (Los Angeles, USA) and can be converted to your own time zone on a site like this. ET is 3 hours ahead of this list.
Connect With Your Speakers (All On Substack)
“Love is the Scientific Key To Making Change” - Keynote SpeakerTanmeet Sethi, MD, is a board-certified Integrative and Psychedelic Medicine physician who has devoted her career to caring for the most vulnerable and teaching physicians how to care for these communities in the most humane and skillful way possible. She has spent the last 25 years on the frontlines practicing primary care, global trauma, and community activism. Her first book, Joy Is My Justice presses a whitewashed wellness world to acknowledge its non-inclusive platitudes and explore Joy as a revolutionary healing practice and human right accessible to all of us. She lectures globally and has spoken on two TEDx stages.
“Defining Self-Compassion”Dr. Amber Groomes is a licensed clinical psychologist working in Maryland. She specializes in the treatment of women's mental health, anxiety, OCD, and trauma. She currently works in Private Practice, providing evidence-based psychotherapy to adults and adolescents.
“Noise Within Motherhood”Kim is a trained therapist with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. Over a fifteen years span, Kim worked in jails, domestic violence centers, substance abuse treatment centers, hospitals, residential facilities, and private practice. Kim is a mom, grandma, and cat lover. She writes about her time as a therapist and therapy client at
Panelist for “Noise Within Motherhood”Kathryn Barbash, PsyD is a clinical psychologist with a decade of experience working with children, adolescents and families. She is now a stay-at-home parent to her four kids and writes a parenting newsletter, Mindful Mom in the Mud.
“Navigating Postpartum Depression & Crisis”Jeannie is a published author with ten years of experience writing and speaking about the spirituality of grief. As a mom of five, including three who are neurodivergent, she is working on her first memoir of motherhood.
Panelist for “Noise Within Motherhood”Lauren is a Sacred Business Mentor, Heart Centred Coach and Soulful Branding & Website Designer. She works in the realms of Motherhood and Holistic Business to support others in bringing their creative visions to life. A Mother of two daughters, a Sacred Space Holder, Writer, Speaker, Human Design Guide, Yoga & Meditation Teacher and Creator - Lauren is a true multi-passionate human.
Panelist for “Holding Space For Ourselves & Inner Child”Emma Del Rey is a mother, writer, and trauma survivor. She is two-thirds through a therapy masters program but she is currently taking a pause to raise her son and heal herself. Emma spends her days fielding communications for a social media marketing agency, chasing after her wild toddler, and taking every free moment to write, create, and be.
Panelist for “Holding Space For Ourselves & Inner Child”Kaitlyn is a psychotherapist with over 10 years of experience. She owns a private practice where she see adults dealing with anxiety, depression, relational issues, and the perinatal experience. She is currently in her IFS Level 1 training. She writes a newsletter on Substack called “dialoguing” where she blends her professional expertise with her own experience to provide weekly doses of honesty.
Workshop// “Held: Guided Journaling in Self Compassion”Krista is a therapist, writer and homemaker based in Columbus, Ohio where she lives with her husband, Jeff and their children. She never leaves the house without a book and always adds a bouquet of flowers to her Trader Joe’s cart. If Krista had a rule of life it would be Mary Oliver’s words: “Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” You can subscribe to her Substack and Ohio residents looking for a therapist can schedule an appointment with her.
“Nurturing the Body”Heidi Schauster, MS, RD, LDN, CEDS-S, SEP is a nutrition therapist and Somatic Experiencing (SE)™ Practitioner in the Greater Boston area who has specialized in eating and body image concerns for nearly 30 years. She provides individual and group counseling and clinical supervision/consultation and is particularly interested in the intersection between food and body concerns with trauma. She is the author of two award-winning books, Nourish and Nurture, and the Nourishing Words newsletter on Substack.
“Movement for Mental Health”Naomi is a mama, a mover, and a maker. She’s been teaching yoga and movement for almost 20 years. Her goal is to make movement easier and more accessible for moms through, quick, creative, and fun classes that make them feel excited to move their bodies.
Thank you to our Compassion Sponsor, Heidi Fiedler!
will be our Master of Ceremonies! Heidi is being incredibly generous by helping facilitate the conversations during this live, virtual event. She is a writer, editor, coach, and mother, who has worked on hundreds of children's books. She also writes about creativity and motherhood, sharing simple, easy ways to feel energized and inspired, so you can keep going, even when life is hard.
Buy your $25 ticket here! Conference Website
I love this. And fun fact: when I was a first time mom, I started teaching self-care workshops and programs. But if I did it all over again, my approach would be radically different. It's not that what I offered was bad. I just had a lot less experience as a mom and a very different life. 11 years in, my perspective has changed. And I love the suggestions you offer here.
Also really looking forward to this conference. So proud to be a part of it.
The conference is so soon! I am walking through a sickness for not asking for help and a break sooner, I needed to read this today.