I Am Proud Of My Battles Because I Have Fought Them

Consider this a reintroduction to the author of Motherhood Minute

Today, I am declaring that I’m proud of myself. Not due to the things I’ve produced, but due to the fights for healing I’ve had to be in and how I’ve changed in how I’ve shown up to those battles.

So, whether you mind or not, I’m going to indulge myself by reviewing these today because it’s important we both stop and reflect on these battles. God reminds us to pause and reflect on the work he is doing in the midst of these battles too.

Besides, what better way to reintroduce myself than to share the battles I’ve had and how God has pulled me through them?

Physical Battles

I won’t review the past too much but for those of you who are new here, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain since last July. July 1, 2023 I was fine (stressed and exhausted, but physically fine). July 10, 2023 I started experiencing severe fatigue, followed by four ER visits, and finally the onset of all-over-my-body pain.

This pain could be as painful as stinging nettle with pins and needles from eyelids to toes, or it could be muscular aching and burning. My body felt like it was on fire. I tried medications and fought to get seen by specialists. I felt like a hot potato being passed around. It took me six months for an MRI. My primary physician, family, and I were at a loss.

The pain persists, but I’ve managed to get it down by 80%. This is a God-given miracle for me.

This mostly looked like removing all medications and my doctor prescribed me the MITO food plan with no sugars, no dairy, and no gluten in my diet. After a brutal month of occasionally missing ingredients and suffering migraines as a result, pain flare-ups, and GI issues, I have mostly reduced my daily pain.

Following these extreme restrictions has induced a lot of financial stressors and more mental load in my life, but the physical results have been very successful for me. I’m not going to hide the fact that I’ve had to extend my grocery budget with a credit card often to afford allergen-friendly substitutes.

Much like when I got clean over five years ago, I’ve had to remind myself that I only need to focus on today. Jesus’s statement holds me most days: “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:27) Living with a chronic illness that is labeled as fibromyalgia (diagnosed without any tests) means I must treat myself less like a machine and more like a temperamental plant.

I’ve never had much of a green thumb.

Mental Battles

I’ve written much about my lifelong battle with depression. I say battle here because I’ve fought a lot in the past ten years to find healing but it’s been full of near-death moments. You can find much about this topic in the Mental Health tab of Motherhood Minute.

In 2023, I recognized that the red flags were only increasing in number for myself. I needed a therapist and struggled to find one for 8 weeks. During that search, I also found out my insurance covered electromagnetic therapy. That journey is recorded here and, in brief, was successful.

God is good. I will always share about this because it profoundly changed my life, and I had never heard of it before. How can we be in a battle with no arrows to shoot? Maybe that treatment is another arrow for your own bow.

Outside of the trauma-informed counseling I partake in and the TMS treatment I did this winter, leaning into my passion for mental health advocacy has helped me keep going in this long journey toward healing. It’s why I’ve written extensively about changing the language used when it comes to a mental health crisis or in motherhood.

If you want to learn more about that story, I was recently invited to share on the topics of depression, motherhood, faith, and science with

Jemima Omo-Aibangbee

on her podcast.

I’ve also shared about my faith in the context of suffering here.

Battles of Self: Changing My Mindset

In the past year, I have been leaning into being a creator of community building instead of someone waiting for permission. I’m quite proud of this change; it shows I’m learning how to accept my creative brain and turn down the internal voices telling me I am interested in too many things.

If this is something you want to do, I think there are a few places you can start.

1. You can focus on the things that affect you personally and use them to inspire passion projects.

2. You can forgo waiting for permission to start these projects and announce them without looking back.

3. You can humbly ask others to contribute their ideas and come along for the ride.

I am constantly learning from people, especially on Substack and through this newsletter. Declaring Motherhood Minute would always be free to read felt liberating for me because I was making a decision to ignore the advice often floating around in Notes on how to make money here. For me and this publication, money was never the goal.

Writing and connecting was the goal. Consistency in showing up was the goal.

When I was barely able to care for myself in the midst of physical pain and mental distress, it was the research and writing about health that introduced me to a new network of passionate individuals.

When I was hungry for community in motherhood, I asked women in a podcast series (something way out of my comfort zone) to ask the question with me: what does community in motherhood even mean?

Now, I’ve developed a virtual conference with a focus on mothers gaining access to discussions on mental health.

This is not because I am an expert. This is because I have a strong desire to keep my battle for my mental health going strong, even after the depression has gone away. These battles are ongoing and it is my responsibility to fight them.

Not only for my loved ones but for myself. I have to fight for myself, physically and mentally. It is a gift God has given me; that in the midst of suffering, I can find moments of clarity and creativity that help me reach out my hands to another person.

Thank you, for coming alongside me in this fight to keep my voice audible despite circumstances that might try to silence it. You can do this too.

Your voice is necessary, and if you need a journaling prompt today:

What battles have you been fighting that you are proud of? Have you taken the time to recognize your work toward healing? Have you stopped to express gratitude toward yourself for fighting them? Have you found a way to connect compassionately with others because of them?