Can Joy and Suffering Coexist?

Reflections on a recent interview “After A Chronic Diagnosis”

I recently did an interview with

Michelle Andrade

titled, “After a Chronic Diagnosis” for her publication Ever After. She’s interested in “stories of endings that were only beginnings” and I am honored Michelle gave me space to talk about things.

Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia (which is a diagnosis without any cure or diagnosis tests) has certainly been an ending that is a sort of beginning.

I would love if you would head to her Substack to read the conversation but I wanted to reflect a bit further here too.

This is the first time I had read about my health story in full, outside the confines of my own bits of writing or conversation, and it was a bit of shock to see it for what it was: complex, full of contradictory emotions, and full of surrender to God.

“I can’t separate myself into different parts: mother, chronic pain patient, worker - there are no simple answers, I just want space to be complex.”

One thing that didn’t get fully discussed in this reflection was my gratitude for how Christ has been in the suffering with me. There is a modern parable from the show West Wing that goes like this:

As he walked down a street, a man fell into a hole. The walls of the hole were so steep he couldn’t climb out. So, the man cried for help.

Soon a doctor walked by and heard the man’s cries. The doctor wrote a prescription, tossed it down the hole, and walked away.

Before long, a priest walked by and heard the man. “Father, can you help me?” the man begged. The priest wrote a prayer, threw it in the hole, and walked away.

Finally, a friend came along. “Can you help me?” the man called. The friend made a brave, bold move: he jumped into the hole. The man who had been trapped was aghast. “Why’d you do that? Now we’re both stuck here!” The friend said, “Yes, but I know the way out because I’ve been down here before.”

I’ve heard a similar story in the rooms of recovery; it’s a powerful showcase of compassion. But we miss the endnote to this tale: Jesus did this and continues to do this for us. He is the friend in the hole.

Please do not read my story here or in other interviews and think I am doing this by the power of myself.

I am not suffering without hope and no wisdom comes from my own intention. I pull all hope from my faith and all comfort from knowing I have God, who chose to suffer the way we suffer.

Furthermore, he completed the work. He’s not just the friend in the hole, he is the Savior. Now as we wait eagerly for his return, like a laboring woman groaning in pain, we also feel the symptoms of living in a complex world.

I’m learning more and more about how multiple things can be true at once while I deal with this daily pain.

I find myself over a year in of experiencing mystery pains every day and yet my brain struggles to accept that has been my reality.

I closely monitor my food choices and how I expend my energy and yet, I keep operating like everything is normal. It is an invisible thing to most people until they see my agonizing over what to eat, the clothes that are too itchy, or the fatigue that tells me to stay home.

I am grateful for the opportunity to tell my story in hopes that it will help someone out there who is also feeling complex grief, pain, and exhaustion navigating the medical system. But please don’t forget we have a hope eternal in Christ. Please don’t forget that I cannot do all things by the power in me but I endure all things through the power of Christ, knowing my hope is secure.

I will repeat what I wrote in my last newsletter:

Every day has been hard, but I still have joy in my life.

When I wake up in the mornings with the sensation there are blisters on my face, I may be internally crying, but I am crying out in the direction of Christ. I don’t say this to convey, “Oh, look what I can do,” but to affirm I cannot do it unless I have a greater hope. I’m desperately thankful I have a God who chose to suffer in ways we suffer.

Please head over and give the entire interview a read. Thank you for giving me some space to be complex.

-Chanel Riggle

After a Chronic Diagnosis w/ Guest Chanel Riggle

In other news:

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