Am I allowed to take care of myself?

An exploration of self worth

Reading time about 3 minutes

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I cried Tuesday at 6 am because I had to notify my new boss that I needed a sick day just one week into the job. My husband asked me, “well are you sick?”

Yes of course. I had thrown up from a migraine and my body still felt sore and disoriented.

“Then take the sick day. You need to rest.”

My boss was fine with it and quickly replied it wasn’t a problem yet I have spent the rest of the day crippled with feelings acknowledging my inability to separate my worth from my work.

In fact i’m certain that’s why Motherhood Minute has slowed down; I don’t see my life of any value in writing about at the moment. What I mean is that I have always had a drive to write knowing my story could help someone else but now I don’t know what my story really is…

Additionally I am trying to learn how to function in a positive work environment. I asked for accommodations for my hours to work for childcare pickup needs and they were agreed upon without discussion on how many hours I might need to make up. You need your husband to work 8-4 and you 9-5 to make sure your child’s care is being provided properly? Of course.

I nervously asked if it was still fine to take Friday off for a vacation I had planned before joining the company. Of course! You and I didn’t know we would be here anyways. Do what is needed.

The bigger picture…

There are a few things I am learning businesses can do for their employees to feel valued. A Harvard Business Review article sums it well: (oops lost the link)

Employees want to work, employees have lives, and employees have feelings.

It seems simple enough but I have been realizing none of these things were being upheld as true in my previous job before they suddenly and emotionally let me go.

I had given all I could to improve things but was treated like I had no desire or ability to make the business better. I had given up my family and personal time in many ways. Anytime I had wanted accommodation I was always given feedback that I had to make up for it in some capacity.

It’s why I had worked on an email campaign Christmas Eve or had taken phone calls and texts from clients and owners on my personal phone at all hours without blinking an eye. The narrative I told myself was: it’s just something I had to do for the sake of my worth at work.

I’ve been in a few manipulative relationships with friends and men in the past and my first week of a healthy work environment made me realize how blinded I was to my own situation.

But at the end of the day there is a larger problem than workplaces valuing their employees. How are we learning to value ourselves?

I’m a Christian but I grew up following whatever ways the world would promote to me. Learning to value myself like God values me has still been a big lesson after ten years. I’m in a season where I see God working and know the textbook answers but still struggle to remember His truth when the world tells me lies.

The world may say I need to hustle, niche market, and advertise myself constantly to move the needle of happiness or success.

God tells me to believe my works don’t create my worth. My existence is evidence of His love for me.

The world tells me to feel overwhelmed to the point of tears that I have to stay home from working.

Jesus tells me to stop focusing on the work for a minute and rest.